Little Shop Of Horrors #1

I know, I know. Today’s blog post is short, but I couldn’t go without detailing just a portion of my life. This is the craziness that is my daughter. I love her with all my heart, but deep down, I know she’s trying to kill me. Enjoy.

So here I am. Forced to sit in my daughter's invention soup shop. I sit down, she shows me some invention with her bike to keep it elevated but able to peddle without moving. On the strainer she made soup with the bike. Hmm. Then she is looking for the purple turtle shell to serve it to me. From the Amazon this little girl went out and killed the last purple turtle just for me. Hmm. Then she goes to the bucket of soup and say, "I don't have a spoon. Guess I gotta use my HANDS." HUH?!?! So, I get this soup...and it’s a linking log. Anna from Frozen. Moana's top. And a Wendy's token. (idk when we went to Wendy's but there it is.) Apparently, the linking log (Yes I know it’s Lincoln log, but she insists that doesn’t make sense.) is my spoon. Then she tells me, "I used a lot of seasonings but salt. I ran out." SOOO what? But WAIT we aren't done! She said, "Let me find some BREAD so we can make some more." Little girl, "We?" No. The bread is soggy and in the soup. So, she once again dips her hand in this piping hot soup....and pulls out her plastic bread. Transforms it into salt with a bubble gun. And proceeds to explain to me that she ran out of salt thanks to last night’s salt pizza. My cholesterol can't handle this. NOW there's a secret ingredient. Love. That's all fine and dandy. But she gave me some coffee I didn't want and JUST ASKED ME If I put love in my soup. Cause she only put it in HERS. Now she's pacing around asking about how she forgot salt and love. Am I in the Twilight Zone? The linking log is apparently on loan. So NOW I CAN'T EAT IT?!?! She uses it to get people?!?! I was got alright. I say, "Let’s eat" she said "Bon Appetit" and then she tells me she’s got some egg and apple in her soup. So, she gets food, love, and now ICE CREAM in her soup and she added Anna in mine because she wanted some to add some "Red". Guess there won't be any sequel. Then laughed and said "No, no its red food coloring." WELP I'm out of this shop. My life, my cholesterol, and my taste buds have been tried today.

Jigsaw has nothing on this little girl.

In the end, I showed a few of my friends exactly what my torturous ordeal. One friend said, and I quote, “If I had to eat Anna or starve………….I wouldn’t be hungry.”

And with that, I end this post.

Side Note: My husband returned from work to tell me that our daughter’s shop wasn’t as nice as my experience. He had to help her chop of Anna’s legs and, when she saw that it wasn’t done right, she pulled out her foam sword, cut off all his limbs, and told him to stir with his tongue. How wonderful.

#Help #Ineedanadult #Howtogetawaywithmurder #daughters #Hotmess #Whyme #SOS